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Tips For Moving in With Stepfamilies
- By Lorne MacInnes
- Published 10/10/2008
- Family Concerns
- Unrated
Lorne MacInnes
Lorne MacInnes is a managing partner of Ferguson Moving & Storage, one of the oldest Vancouver moving companies, and an industry expert in the moving and relocation sector in North America.
View all articles by Lorne MacInnes
Moving can be difficult no matter what the situation, but it’s even more difficult when two existing families combine to make one. Stepfamilies are always a difficult transition because everything is new. You have to share your home with someone else, change your routine and get used to new people, new expectations and new rules. It’s just as much of a transition for children as it is for adults. Here are a few tips to make the transition as smooth as possible:
• Move into a neutral place. Instead of choosing his or her place, choose a neutral third-party home. This way you avoid the difficulties that arise with people encroaching on each other’s territory and routines. You’ll avoid having some people feel like outsiders while others feel like there is an intruder in their home. A new home may be more expensive, but in the long run it will help ease the transition for everyone.
• Set up a routine of everyone doing an activity together at least once a week. This could be anything from going out to dinner together to skating in the park. Allow each person to give input as to what activity you do each week so that everyone gets to do something they enjoy. This will be especially helpful for children. You want to make sure everyone is as comfortable as possible in their new situation and doing things together as a family will ease the transition of blending families.
• Keep your old routines as much as possible. If your children used to go to karate every Wednesday, let them continue to do so. It’s enough of a challenge to have to live with new people, but allowing them to keep the same activities will give them a sense of security that will be helpful during a time of change.
• Keep the same household rules as much as possible. You may have to change some rules or routines, but allow your children to part of the discussion process so that they understand why the changes are being made and why they are necessary. It’s important to keep your children informed of what you’re doing and why. This way, they’ll be more likely to follow the new rules and not to act out.
• If you’re the new step-parent avoid disciplining your new stepchildren as much as possible. Leave that to the biological parent. Instead of taking over as a parent, get to know your new stepchild as a person and spend your time having fun together. This will lead to a lot less resentment on everyone’s part and will lead to a stronger family bond if everyone gets along.
• Keep your new marriage strong. Strong, loving marriages set a good example for children and set the tone for the family. Among all your other responsibilities, make sure you schedule time for each other. Have a weekly date night where you go out together and spend time working on your relationship outside of the home and apart from the children. Doing this, will in the long-run, help create a stable and happy environment for everyone.
• Move into a neutral place. Instead of choosing his or her place, choose a neutral third-party home. This way you avoid the difficulties that arise with people encroaching on each other’s territory and routines. You’ll avoid having some people feel like outsiders while others feel like there is an intruder in their home. A new home may be more expensive, but in the long run it will help ease the transition for everyone.
• Set up a routine of everyone doing an activity together at least once a week. This could be anything from going out to dinner together to skating in the park. Allow each person to give input as to what activity you do each week so that everyone gets to do something they enjoy. This will be especially helpful for children. You want to make sure everyone is as comfortable as possible in their new situation and doing things together as a family will ease the transition of blending families.
• Keep your old routines as much as possible. If your children used to go to karate every Wednesday, let them continue to do so. It’s enough of a challenge to have to live with new people, but allowing them to keep the same activities will give them a sense of security that will be helpful during a time of change.
• Keep the same household rules as much as possible. You may have to change some rules or routines, but allow your children to part of the discussion process so that they understand why the changes are being made and why they are necessary. It’s important to keep your children informed of what you’re doing and why. This way, they’ll be more likely to follow the new rules and not to act out.
• If you’re the new step-parent avoid disciplining your new stepchildren as much as possible. Leave that to the biological parent. Instead of taking over as a parent, get to know your new stepchild as a person and spend your time having fun together. This will lead to a lot less resentment on everyone’s part and will lead to a stronger family bond if everyone gets along.
• Keep your new marriage strong. Strong, loving marriages set a good example for children and set the tone for the family. Among all your other responsibilities, make sure you schedule time for each other. Have a weekly date night where you go out together and spend time working on your relationship outside of the home and apart from the children. Doing this, will in the long-run, help create a stable and happy environment for everyone.